The Great Brain Robbery

Beginning
Gather your diving gear (helmet and backpack), a hammer, some nails (10 are needed but some will be bent, so bring at least 20) and 4 planks. Bank any familiers or pets. Use a Charter Ship to Mos Le'Harmless or talk to Bill Teach at the eastern pier in Port Phasmatys. Near the dock you'll notice a rather sickly-looking monk named Brother Tranquility. Talk to him to begin the quest. He'll tell you about how some of his fellow monks are in a bit of trouble and ask for your help. Accept his offer to teleport you to Harmony Island.

Gathering info
Now you need to find out more about what's going on so head outside. Zombie pirates (level 57) will attack you. A short way to the northeast you'll find a statue that can be pulled to the side. Go down the ladder and into a tunnel. It's full of water, so you'll need to use your diving gear to get under the water. Run past the zombie pirates down there and repair the stairs at the far end. Climb up them, then look through the peephole to spy on the enemy.

The Prayer Book
Go back and tell Brother Tranquility First about what you heard. He'll suggest you get a book that can be used to pray away poison. Travel to the Monastery near Edgeville to find the book in a bookshelf towards the south-west corner of the building on the ground floor. It will give you instructions on how to use it. Put on a Holy symbol and head back to the island. The monks will be feeling the effects of the gas so use the prayer by right-clicking the book.

The Doctor
Now that the monks are no longer in danger of being gassed, they'd like to get their brains back in their bodies where they belong. Unfortunately, as you're all too well aware by now, you're no brain surgeon. Luckily, you know someone who is. Travel to Dr. Fenkenstrain's abode and climb up to where he's hiding out from the werewolves. After a bit of negotiation, he agrees that a new home free of the threat of being eaten sounds better than where he is. However, he doesn't want to risk being eaten while walking there, and he's allergic to teleportation, so you need to find some other way.

Head to Canifis and talk to Rufus, the owner of the meat store. (Just north of the bank). Make sure to be wearing the Ring of Charos when talking to him, and have two open inventory slots. He'll agree to let you use a crate and will give you 6 crate parts, but you have to fill it yourself and he'll be checking the quality to make sure it's worth carrying in one of his boxes. Since he assumes you'll be transporting cats, you need to find a bunch of them to fill the crate and avoid suspicion. If you have a house with a workshop that has a crafting bench in it, go there now. If not, you'll have to borrow one from a neighbour. Either way, take 10 wooden planks and 10 pieces of fur (any kind) and craft a bunch of fake wooden cats. Now travel back to Fenkenstrain's castle with the remaining 4 wood planks, nails (20 needed for crate plus 8 for bottom, but a lot will be bent so bring 50), and a hammer. When you get to the room where the Doctor is hiding out, you'll see a hotspot to build the crate. Do so, then use the extra planks of wood to build a false bottom by clicking on crate again (Add-bottom crate). Fill it with fake cats, then use the wolf whistle Rufus gave you to call him (make sure to wear the ring of charos before blowing the whistle). Fenkenstrain will automatically get in the crate. Once past inspection, Rufus will give you a shipping order. Use this on the crate and it will be teleported to the island.

Making the transplants
Now that the doctor is in, travel back to Mos'le Harmless. Make sure to grab your diving gear, a bit of armour, and a hammer before teleporting to the island. Now Dr. Fenkenstrain will tell you that he needs some equipment to perform the surgery. He'll give you a list of items to collect:

Luckily, the bad guys already have what you need since they performed the surgery in the first place. The only problem is how to get in....
 * 3 Bell jars
 * A pair of Brain tongs
 * A Cranial clamp
 * 30 Skull staples
 * A hammer

Put on your diving suit (to avoid passing out from the gas) and head north from the windmill to the ship beached nearby. Search the locker on the ground floor to get a fuse, then climb up a level and get a tinderbox and a keg of powder. With these in hand, go back to the front door of the monastery. Wedge the keg in the front door, add a fuse, then light it. Instant entrance.

Once inside, kill the Sorebones inside to get the equipment you need. Don't worry, they'll only drop as many as you need of each item if you forgot what you need, so just keep killing them until they stop dropping surgical equipment. Note that the dear doctor also requires a hammer. Walk back to the windmill, head downstairs, and give all this to Dr. Fenkenstrain to begin the gruesome surgery...

The Battle
Now that the monks are back where they belong, it's time to end this once and for all. Grab all the armour, food, and potions you'll need for this fight (though not a helmet or cape since you still need to wear your diving suit). Walk through the front door and the Sorebones will be gone. Only Mi-Gor will still be there, giving you the option to "confront" him. When you do, he'll sic his monstrosity on you, a giant mess of machinery named "Barrelchest". You can't use Prayer while fighting him, but luckily, he's a fairly blunt instrument. He won't use anything but melee attacks and he's fairly inaccurate. However, when he does hit, he can hit up to 25, so be careful of that. It won't work to hide behind something and range him, either. He'll just strike the ground with his anchor, causing you up to 25 damage. He's not that hard to beat if you're a high enough level, though. However, a safe method to kill him is to go inside, then out, then in again. This time he will not attack you and will wander around the church. When he is at least 2 pews in front of you to the side, attack him with range. He will just sit there and take damage and won't be able to attack you even with his special attack. Another tactic involves using a Dragon Dagger (p++). Special attack him until your hitpoints get to be somewhere around 30 (but not less than 20). Then run to the doorway (you're safe just inside the doorway but if you open the door you'll have to start the battle again). Eat some food (it's hard to eat and attack him with his high hits), then attack again. Just repeat until he dies. Barrelchest seems to have a high defence against slash style attacks, so wielding an Abyssal Whip is not advised. Also, many players believe that he is weak to crush style attacks, so if you melee him, use weapons with a crush option. The other belief is that he uses crush style attacks, so wearing armour with a high crush defence may help too.

Once you've killed Barrelchest, pick up his anchor and walk back to the windmill to inform Brother Tranquility of your victory. He'll thank you and give you a lamp granting 5,000 experience in any skill of your choice which is above level 30. Congratulations!

Reward



 * 2 Quest points
 * 6000 Prayer experience
 * 3000 Crafting experience
 * 2000 Construction experience
 * Blessed lamp granting 5000 experience in a skill of your choosing above 30.
 * Barrelchest anchor
 * Prayer book

Music
Music tracks unlocked:


 * Zombiism
 * Brain Battle - released 5 February 2008, automatic unlock for those who already completed the quest

Tips

 * Having the Book o' piracy allows you to skip the first speech with Bill Teach in getting him to transport you to Mos Le'Harmless.
 * A Kharyrll Teleport (Canifis Teleport) in your House provides faster return to Fenkenstrain's house after creating the fake cats.
 * The Charter Ships are a useful (if pricey) way to get to Mos Le'Harmless and Port Phasmatys.
 * Talk to the pirate Smith at the docks of Mos Le'Harmless to convert the anchor to a two handed weapon for a fee of 230,000 coins (See above, under reward).

Trivia

 * The title of the quest is probably a reference to a 1903 movie titled "The Great Train Robbery", though there's also a book and a song by the same name. It could also be a reference to the real Great Train Robbery in 1963 near Linslade (nr, Leighton Buzzard), Bedfordshire in England. Wikipedia has several pages describing the Great Train Robbery.
 * When first talking to Brother Tranquility, the player's dialogue will reference Star Wars Episode IV, refering to Mos Le'Harmless as "a hive of scum and villainy"
 * The new RS music, Zombiism when on Harmony Island, comes from the movie The Great Train Robbery (1903 film).
 * Another Monty Python reference is hidden in the quest. When Rufus comments that the cats aren't moving, the character will comment that they're "probably pining", referring to "The Dead Parrot Sketch".
 * The Mi-Gor character and Barrelchest monster are probably references to emphysema, a fatal lung disease that leaves victims with a "barrelchest" and a raspy voice.
 * This quest marks the second appearance of Elfinlocks, a fake player from the Draynor Bank Robbery plot, who is travelling with her clockwork cat in Canifis. She appears to have gained another Blue Party Hat since her last appearance.
 * When first going to Harmony Island, the player does the "Scared" emote saying that they're afraid of getting hit while transporting. This is a reference from the transportation method used in Rum Deal.
 * The zombie pirates and the Sorebones are the only monsters so far that drop bandanna eyepatches stitched already.
 * The crate hotspot is the only known hotspot that is made outside of your house.Other than the penguin hide on the Iceburg.
 * Some of the zombie pirates appear to have equiped the special cutlasses you buy from Smith from Mos'le Harmless.
 * In a dialogue with Dr. Fenkenstrain, you say: 'Urge to kill ... rising'. This sentence also was used in a Simpsons Halloween episode.
 * Safespot is shown in QuestHelp spoiler for fight part, meaning Jagex doesn't mind people using them.
 * When talking to Dr. Fenkenstrain after teleporting him to Harmony, you will mention "Unusual Implements R Us", a play on the toy store "Toys R Us".